We are busier than ever now that winter quarter is in full swing. I thought it was hard getting myself to school on time before, but now getting Henry up, dressed, and fed before 7:30am has turned our mornings into a whole new ballgame! I have been trying to get his lunch packed at night so that I don't have to come up with fun new healthy ideas when I'm barely awake but it doesn't always work out. We may both have been late to school a few times last week while trying to work out all the new kinks that come with a new routine. Adjusting to our new schedule has also caused me to skip more gym days than I would like, but I'm working on the balancing act, and it's only been 3 days so I think I'll be okay.
Now on to something completely different that has been weighing on my heart. This is my OB/Pediatrics quarter at school. I am living, eating, and breathing babies, which is fine by me. My dream job is to be an OB nurse, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make that work even if I have crazy long commutes for a few years. But being that we are spending so much time with children, my instructors warned us that we may see some drug addicted babies. I wrote it off and thought "yeah, maybe I'll see one and it will be really sad but I'll try my best to help and not get too broken up about it."
I was so wrong.
I feel like I must live in this bubble where I only know people like me. People who won't even take ibuprofen when they are pregnant, people who read every baby book, and go to all the parenting classes. People who, no matter what, put their crap to the side and do what is the best possible thing so that they bring healthy happy babies into this world.
I call tell you first hand that not everyone thinks this way. Some mothers do unthinkable things while pregnant. They set their children up for a lifetime of failure, disappointment, learning disabilities, abuse, and neglect.
I had no idea how prevalent drug abuse while pregnant is until very recently. I have seriously been having nightmares about these poor poor babies who didn't ask to be brought into this world addicted to methadone. To be in the NICU for months at a time being very slowly weaned off the drugs. It breaks my heart to think of all the children that have similar circumstances, who never even have a chance to shine. Parents that can't get their own crap together enough to look beyond themselves and their own addictions and do what is right for these kids.
I asked a nurse with 30+ years experience how you can take care of these families and not let it get to you and she told me that she is giving these children the best she can for their first few months and she can only hope that they will have a neighbor or a grandma or a teacher down the road who will keep an eye on them and report anything that seems off. She said just because it isn't they way you would do it doesn't mean that it is wrong or illegal. And when it is illegal, you report it.
I'm not sure where this post is going except to say that I can't stop thinking about these kids. I'm not sure if this means that pediatric nursing is my calling or the exact opposite, Either way, pray for the babies, they need someone to be thinking about them even if you never got the chance to meet them.
It must be so hard`to see those babies suffering for someone else's selfishness. Do you have someone to talk to these things about, besides Tim? I think that would help a lot. August has to deal with really bad, sad, and sometimes gruesome things in his job too, and it really helps for him to talk about it all to process it. I do talk to him about these things, but sometimes I can't handle the really bad stuff and he talks to his dad and another firefighter about that it instead.
ReplyDeleteAlso, it's okay that it gets to you. That just means you care, and caring is a good thing.
I was just crying reading this. I will pray SO hard for the little ones everywhere who don't get a positive start in life. Just from my opinion it does sound like a calling. You can make a difference for those sweet babies.
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